Have you ever been told to keep your work life separate from your personal life as if you could? If you are excited at home, are you supposed to sit in the car park until you return to neutral before starting work? If you are upset at work, how is it possible to change your emotional state on the way home to become someone else as you enter the door?
I am sure you are reading about emotional intelligence and its value in the workplace. We have spent decades lionizing IQ and neglecting a source of infinite energy. Your emotions provide the raw energy. You need to be excited to last the distance. You need to have some passion to make the changes that every organizations needs to make to catch the next wave or simply survive.
Courage, enthusiasm, passion, excitement and compassion have little to do with IQ and everything to do with EQ. As a leader, you need to manage your emotions and understand those of others. Sorry if you were misled earlier in your life and told to detach your thoughts from the emotional energy that was necessary to lead and inspire work colleagues and customers.
The science of emotions.
Emotions and moods are contagious.The human brain’s limbic system is an open loop system. We rely on connections with others to determine our moods. This open loop allows us to be helped by others. We can be comforted, excited and helped. We are strongly influenced by others. We can alter the hormone levels, sleep rhythms, cardiovascular functions and enthusiasm of others. Our open loop system lets people influence our moods, emotions and physiology. Don’t you feel better around some people than others? Wouldn’t you pay more when treated exceptionally well by a sales person or walk out on a good deal because of the poor behaviour of another sales person?
The Leader’s mood.
Moods that start at the top spread like a bushfire on a windy, forty degree day. People take their cues from the leader or CEO. Often the Leader’s PA will communicate the leader’s mood to the organization. ‘Maybe not today–try tomorrow’. Are you sure this is not happening to you at work or at home? Humour and enthusiasm are wildly contagious.
Self awareness.
To become an emotional leader, you will need to be very aware of the effect you have on others. You will need unreasonable friends who tell you what you don’t know. You can also ask people but if they are afraid of your moods then you will get doubtful feedback. Just watch and listen to the impact you have on others.
Managing your moods.
If you have a bad moment, don’t turn it into a bad day. Find ways of snapping out of a bad mood. Explain to people why you are grumpy. Better still, crawl out of it into the sunlight. Listen to music, breath deeply, go for a walk, count your blessings, read something inspirational. Remember that you are lucky to be alive. One day you won’t wake up.
Develop empathy.
At least once a day, choose kind over right. Even if you know you are right, choose kind. Find out how others feel. Try doing what they do occasionally. Try answering the telephone or working on the front desk and see what it feels like. Push yourself to see the world from the eyes of another. I remember hearing a talk from a senior executive on ‘belt tightening’ who drove a $200k limosine. He had no idea how his talk was being received by the workers. Be kind and care for your people.
Strengthen your relationships.
Make sure that the weather is not a factor in people’s mind when they are considering whether to attend your funeral. Build strong personal bonds. Develop your sense of humour. Regenerate your enthusiasm for meeting people. Remember birthdays and special occasions. Surprise people with your concern and thoughtfulness.
Monitor your moods.
Here’s how to increase your EQ and very likely, your bottom line. Simple steps but some work needed.
- Decide how you want to be emotionally.
Do you want to be amusing , relaxed, inspiring, loved. Do you want people to admire your deep concern for them and never count the cost when asked to do something? You will need a clear picture of how you want to be.
- How are you at the moment?
Are you moody except after your holidays? Are you short tempered? Do you get angry very quickly and stay there for days? Maybe you need some feedback to answer this question.
- How do you get from where you are to where you want to be?
You will need to work hard to change old habits. Practise listening to other’s points of view. Breathe deeply when you feel yourself getting annoyed. Learn to relax and enjoy your positive emotions. The negatives will block the flow of the positives.
- Who can help me?
Is there a trusted colleague or coach that can help. Maybe an external mentor is what you need.
- Making the changes permanent.
Practice is the trick. Just keep trying until the new way of thinking and behaving becomes second nature. Don’t give yourself a hard time if you slip back. Be kind to yourself. Look for good in people. Most people do their best even if it doesn’t meet your expectations. It is their best. Help them to find a better best.
So, IQ or EQ, why not both? Emotional leadership will help you to take your organization or team to the next level. You won’t just tell people what you want. You will provide them with the energy to do what you are asking. In fact, you are helping them to find it in themselves.