Developing Emotional Intelligence: Self Regulation

I like to think we can take this concept to a level which gives us immediate, practical results. This is where the concept of ‘real-time emotional self regulation' comes in. ‘Real-time' - that is, ‘what is happening now', ‘emotional self-regulation' - regulating our internal processing and deciding what our reaction will be.

Managing our emotional response to a situation we find ourselves in can have a profound effect on the outcomes. Let's take a simple example: How do you feel when someone cuts in front of you when you are driving or changes lanes without indicating ?

I would suggest that your first reaction should be to do what you can to ensure there is no danger of a collision. Maybe that process is as simple as slowing down a little. And hopefully that reaction should almost be instinctive.

But for some people the reaction - often a first reaction - is one of abuse and anger directed at the person who moved in front of them. So they direct their anger at the person by yelling, tooting the car horn, even speeding up to ‘reclaim' their position, to re-assert themselves.

Many people believe that emotions happen to them, which is not entirely true.

"I feel angry (upset, stressed, pressured, burnt out, confused, frustrated, anxious, uptight, excited, happy, joyous ... ) because of what has just happened to me!".

Then they may go on to tell you the cause: "My staff just don't get it!"

So these emotions happen to you, do they ?

I've never yet heard a boss say "I want you to get angry now".

And I've never heard staff members say "Now we want you to feel enormous frustration".

You are in control. Emotional responses will happen, but the nature of the response and the level at which you experience it is entirely up to you.

Real-time emotional self regulation is at the core of theemotional intelligence. And it's a positive impact that can affect every aspect of our lives.