The Listening Leader

It's no surprise that as our responsibilities increase our work increasingly involves communication. Or that our effectiveness depends upon our ability to communicate. What does surprise some people, is that the actual communication behaviours or skills we are required to use require greater amounts of and attention to listening. As our roles become more responsible and carry more authority, so the need for effective listening increases.

"Listening is the front-end of decision-making," writes Bernard T. Ferrari, author of Power Listening: Mastering the most critical business skill of all. "Good listening - the active and disciplined activity of probing and challenging the information garnered from others to improve its quality and quantity - is the key to building a base of knowledge that generates fresh insights and ideas."

Hard to disagree with. But that doesn't make it any easier to do. Listening is hard work. What makes listening a challenge for many of us is that we struggle to allow others to advance, explore and discover their own thinking and create new possilities. Our own mental frames and assumptions are powerful and our instinct is to assume they are "right". And while we'd all claim to be committed to principles like "respect" and "learning", it's not until we are prepared to stop and listen that we actually demonstrate our commitment to those principles.

Effective listening skills in the form of an acronym (and yes, I made it up myself!): EAPSQREE.

• Environment
  
  Managing external distractions is an important but often overlooked part of quality listening. Shutting a door, turning off a phone or finding a quieter place to listen are all simple actions that not only improve the communication exchange but also send their own messages of respect for the other party.
• Attention
  
  Busy-ness is a challenge for everyone, and we are all bombarded with too much information. Giving attention is a choice - and sometimes the best thing we can do is let someone know that we can't attend adequately to them right now and schedule a better time. Again, this communicates respect for the person and the topic.
• Purpose
  
  Because listening is a choice, it can help to give yourself a reason and focus for listening. Your purpose might be, for example, to demonstrate support, to encourage, to learn, to understand, to build the relationship, or maybe just to practice your listening skills!
• Silence
  
  You can't talk and listen at the same time. And that includes talking to yourself! So silence your voice and silence the voice in your head (you know, the one that has all the answers before the other person has finished) so you can create clear mental space for genuine listening.
• Question
  
  Listening isn't a passive activity. Questioning the speaker should indicate that we've listened carefully and that we are engaged with what they are saying. Questions not only clarify things for you, but for the other person. In the context of respectful listening they also enable positive challenges to thinking. Learning requires reflection and reflection requires questions.
• Reflect
  
  Using the speaker's words communicates that you have heard them. It also provides a bridge to challenging, endorsing or further exploring their words. And it helps you reinforce for yourself what they are saying.
• Encourage
  
  Small encouragers like "I see", "that's interesting", "tell me more about ..." create a positive communication environment and allow you to open up, deepen and broaden the conversation.
• Emotions
  
  Especially where the topic is challenging, it's vital to be aware of and manage our own emotional reactions. We cannot think clearly (and therefore cannot communicate effectively) if our brains have been emotionally hijacked. Likewise, it's powerful to be able to acknowledge and not react to others' emotions.

No doubt you do some of these things well already. And, there are probably one or two that you know you could enhance or be more intentional about.

Remember, the perceptions others have of their conversations with us are powerfully shaped by how well and respectfully they feel we have listened to them. So, EAPSQREE your listening today ...